Week 36-December 22-28-Hi baby! This week you have started head banging! I read about this happening but thought nothing of it because you hadn't done it yet! It is fine unless you are near a corner or a hard surface, so when I see you do this, I just move you to the middle of the room. You are rocking back and forth on your knees now. It is fun for you. Papa and I can see the joy you get from being able to move so freely and easily. You are making lots of new sounds. And babbling a lot now. You have so much hair on your head too. Everything about you is growing and changing. You have been biting me with your new teeth baby. It hurts so much. I take the boob away from you when you do this and tell you to be gentle. Usually I gasp loudly and you stop and look at me. But then you'll do it again, so it doesn't really stop you. I refuse to yell at you to stop which is what some people told me to do, but anyone who yells at a baby is crazy, I think. We are going to Mammoth tomorrow morning early, so I will let you know about your first time in the snow next week baby.

You are my heart and my soul. I love you so much.

Week 35-December 15-21-Hi baby girl. Papa and I started sleep training you. We actually began on the 14th and it lasted until the 16th. Well, its a start....Papa would lay down with you after eleven pm and get you to go back to sleep when you woke up, instead of me nursing you throughout the night. You did protest but by the second night had already adjusted somewhat. Unfortunately, we didn't keep it up and now you are back to nursing every few hours. We will try it again after the new year. On the 16th, we noticed that you are getting your two bottom teeth in the middle. So many teeth, all at once. It doesn't really seem to affect you other than a runny nose. You are on your hands and knees all of the time now. It seems to be just a matter of days before you are mobile.

I love nursing you. It is precious bonding time that you only share with me. It will be too soon before it ends and this intimacy transitions into a different one. I am not ready to give it up, but we want to have another baby and so it has become a decision that needs to be made. So far, I have not weaned you even from one feeding. At eight months, I feel you are still too young to be taken off the boob.

You push yourself backwards now. Although not yet crawling, you are able to get around. You have managed to wedge yourself in a bookshelf and between the couch and glider. Papa and I try to coax you forward with fabulous toys and even our phones, but even though you very much want these items, you do not come forward. We wind up bringing you to these instead.

When upset, you scream and you know the order of actions. When in the car seat, I unbuckle you, I then pick you up. Once I took a little too long to pick you up and boy, did I get yelled at.

I love the innocence of this age. At mommy and me, there are three other babies your age. The moms usually sit next to one another and chat about our babies. While we do this, the babies are touching each other, climbing on the moms, but not their moms, other babies' moms. It is sweet to see the lack of boundaries, the light and energy within you. It restores some of the innocence within me, or at the very least makes me aware that it does exist.

You lay on your tummy now, with your arms and legs in the air, like an airplane. Your muscles are strong. Everything you do is preparing you for crawling. Everything you do, you learn though playing. It is fascinating. At what point do people stop learning though play and begin learning through books and sitting still and listening to a lecture? Having been a teacher for so long, I feel I understand children better now with you, than from all of the training I went through.

You have started to say, "Yaaaaa". It is adorable. We went shopping with Yana and while she was holding you, she muttered to herself that an item of clothing a pretty and you said, "Yaaaa". She was floored that you agreed with her!

When you are sitting and you start to topple over, most times you can catch yourself and sit back up. You also can push yourself from a laying position to a sitting position. You are becoming super independent, it is remarkable.

I love you more than life itself, and so does Papa!

Week 34-December 8-14-Hi gorgeous girl! On the 9th, you got on your hands and knees for the very first time! We are so proud of you and waiting for the moment you take off crawling. You also started balling up your fists and holding your arms rigid while saying, "AAAAHHHHHHHHH". It is very funny. Most nights this week, after our bedtime routine of walking Zed, reading one or two stories, bathtime and putting on our pajamas, you are waking up and playing. I usually can get you to sleep in twenty minutes, thirty tops, now it is taking the better part of an hour. I have been putting you in the pack and play where you play quietly and then call for me, we snuggle and go to sleep. For a while, we had your routine down pat, but this has thrown me for a loop. After the new year, when everything goes back to normal, I will get really strict again about your bedtime and being home in time for it. I can't even leave you alone to play in bed for fear you might fall off, so we think we will get you a crib. Although, we do keep saying this and never doing it. Love you so much baby, you are the light of our lives!

Week 33-December 1-7-Goodbye gummy smiles, goodbye gummy kisses...two top teeth are coming through! You are a little bunny! You have been nursing more than usual and your nose was running, but I thought it was residual from the cold you had in Seattle. We went to Mike and Yael's for Shabbat dinner on the 3rd and she fed you some challah and noticed your teeth. I thought teething would affect you much more than it has. It really hasn't phased you at all. To be honest, I was sad about it. You are changing so quickly, my heart aches, but I soon recovered and now revel in your toothy smiles! You are able to get onto your tummy now from a sitting position. You are skipping naps, the world is just too interesting to sleep. When we stand you up, now you like to stand on your tippee toes. When on your tummy, you lift your whole body into a push-up. Almost always, you raise your arms to be lifted. On Sunday, we went to my Uncle Bob's and Aunt Carol's for a Hannukah party. Grandpa was carrying you around and when he gave you back to me, you began to cry and reach for him. Let me tell you, you made his world that day! His heart went all aflutter and his eyes grew misty. You two already have a special bond, that day, you sealed it! Love you baby! My heart, my soul!

Week 32-November 24-30-Hi Baby, Happy Hanukah! You are interested and curious about everything, food, sounds, Zed...and everything makes its way into your mouth for you to touch, taste and hold. You love my dad. The moment you see him, you smile at him like no one else. Even Grandma has to work for a smile from you, but Grandpa, forget about it, he is yours and no one else's. I know it makes him feel special. He and I have a special bond, a bond that a father can only have with his daughter and I feel that it has been continued on with you. I hope that you and your papa will have this connection as you two grow together. I know that you will.

You love to hold people's faces in between your two hands and squeeze their cheeks. Gummy, drooly kisses are also a favorite of yours to give away. I love those kisses, they are something special. Now when I come to pick you up, you raise your arms to be lifted. How do you know to do that?

You like the game of peek-a-boo. I will sit you on the bed and hide beside the bed, pop up and say 'boo!' over and over. The smile I get in return is priceless. Cameras cannot capture it, but my heart will remember forever.

You have been doing hand transfers from one hand to the other with your toys. Long naps have also become routine for you. At first I didn't know what to do with all of the time I had, but now I am prepared to conquer big projects, one at a time. So far, though, I've been napping with you. You are so sweet to snuggle with, warm and cuddly soft. For the past two days, you have been balling your little fists and waving them in the air and saying 'eeeeeee' over and over again. It is funny to watch you. You have lots to say, mostly vowels sounds, 'ahhhhhh' and 'eeee', sometimes, 'gaaa' and 'maaa' which you can imagine sends my heart aflutter. I love you. The joy you bring to your papa and me is immeasurable. We celebrated Thanksgiving together this past Thursday. Everybody loved you. On Friday, at David and Robin's house, you were passed around among different cousins. You are a really great baby, fun and easy going. You rarely cry, only when you are too tired. Everybody wants to be around you, including your little cousins. I love you, my heart and soul.

Week 31-November 17-23-Hi Petichka! Now when you stand, you stand on your tiptoes. This doesn't happen all of the time, just sometimes. You are growing so big. You were a little tiny girl when we brought you home from the hospital. Preemie clothing barely fit you and now when I see you next to other babies your age, you are taller than them. Up until about six months of age, you wore clothing two months smaller than your age. So at four months, you wore clothing meant for a two month old. At about six months, I could just get you into four month clothing, but anything with feet meant that the tips of your toes were pressing against the material. Now forget it, you wear clothing for six to nine months of age, which is appropriate, I am just surprised about it. You look beautiful to me. When we go to the doctor for check-ups, I do not want to know the growth percentiles. I don't like to compare and the doctor always tells me you are perfect so I don't think about it, but since we have been going to mommy and me classes, I see a few other babies and you are taller than them. I think you will most likely be taller than me when fully grown.

The three of us went to Seattle this past weekend. You have had a stuffy nose, but when we got there, it turned into a full blown cold. You have had colds before but nothing like this. Your little cheeks were flushed, your nose was running, (it still is) and you feel flushed. I finally called Dr. Schramm and she told me that you are going to be okay, this is normal. You never get fevers, thank G-d, but I didn't trust the thermomitor and so I kept taking your temp, papa's and mine to make sure that it worked. You nurse throughout the night and wake up crying because you don't feel so well. So I am pretty tired and take naps with you during the day. I am not getting much done, but I am catching up on sleep and that is pretty important.

When your nose first started running, it would just keep going, now when it touches your lips you stick out your tongue and lick it off. I wipe your nose with a hankerchief but you become upset and cry and turn your head. I remember how sore my nose would get when my mom did that to me, so I try to be gentle and use different tissues, wet, dry, warm, cold, but you don't like any of those options, so I am not really sure the best way to handle it. There has got to be a better way. Hopefully you will be fully recovered soon!

When we were in Seattle, Papa went to an interview at a gaming company, so you and I went sight seeing. We went up the space needle and looked at Seattle from all angles. It was pretty fun. The next day all three of us went to Pike's Market. It was freezing cold, literally. It started to snow later that day. We went around looking at different neighborhoods and homes to see where we could potentially live. Everybody who saw you thought you were exquisite. And you are!

On the 20th, you were so sick, poor baby, in your sleep you started to laugh and then talk. Papa and I were quietly laughing. You are very funny.

You are an excellent traveler, a perfect angel on airplanes and as long as you get out of the car seat every so often, you don't mind being in the car. You just check out the sights from your window.

Now we are back home and back in cloth dipes. I had to use disposable while we traveled. I keep the dipe pail in my shower and each time we change, you and I go into the bathroom and put the used dipe in the pail and run bath water over it. You look at the water and smile. It is just one of our little routines that we do daily that you know and enjoy.

I love you little girl. You are my heart and my soul!

Week 30-November 10-16-SEVEN MONTHS OLD! Unbelievable! You have started to pay attention to the pictures I put up around your changing table of bright colors and shapes. Each time I put a new dipe on you and stand you up to adjust it, you twist your body around to look and touch the pictures. I point them out to you and you smile! On Wednesday, we finally made it to our first mommy and me class at AISH. There were two other babies your age, Eliyahu and Yeshaya were there and about three toddlers. When Sharon Shenker, the leader started singing and talking, all of the mommies were busy talking to each other and the babies were playing. You were the only one looking and listening to Sharon! What a good little girl you are! Absolutely adorable. Sharon passed around a tzedakah box so everyone could put in some pennies and when it was your turn, you took hold of the box and tried to eat it! HAHA! I love you. Later everyone was given a stuffed torah to hold and you loved yours! At one point, a little boy, who was a little rowdy came by and grabbed your links away from you and then watched your reaction, which was, to watch him. When he wasn't looking, I took them back for you. He also took a truck away from a ten month old. If he is there tomorrow, and behaves this way toward you, I might way something to his mom. She needs to watch him, not let him bully all the kids!

You have now picked up the habit of screaming. At first you were playing with your voice, but now, if you don't like something, immediately, there emits from your lungs, the loudest, ear-splitting screech I have ever heard. I had a headache most of this week. If it continues, I think I am buying ear plugs. Seriously.

I sing all the time, I told you that last week. When I do, you smile, smile, smile. Sometimes at night, it is difficult for you to calm down, and your entire body is moving, legs kicking, arms flailing and you are just restless, so I sing and the moment the first note leaves my lips, you settle down, without fail and smile. It is amazing. I don't know what it is about singing, but it works. Remember that for your own children! I know I told you that you don't need to be held anymore when you fall asleep, but suddenly, it changed again this week and you won't fall asleep unless you are in my arms. I like it. I didn't realize how much I missed it. If you miss a nap, or wake up early from one, you are cranky! So I try my best to keep our home a calm place so you can rest without interruptions. Of course, there are always interruptions and sometimes you just wake on your own. Yesterday, you took a two hour nap, which is incredibly long for you, at most, you sleep for about forty minutes, most of the time only thirty minutes at a time, and then at night, you slept for about three hours straight, no waking, nothing. You were taking about four naps a day, but it is shifting to three naps and those are getting longer. (the eleven am nap is the one disappearing, you still sleep at about 9, 1, and 3). I kept checking the time and looking at you, I couldn't believe it. Had I known how long you would sleep, I would have either tried to get a major project off my to do list, or really settled down to relax. I am not used to having so much uninterrupted time to myself.

On Saturday, we met with Jake and Yana to go house hunting in Long Beach. Later we all went to a Lebanese restaurant and it was getting a little late for you. You played in the high chair, but as time went on, you wanted to be held, so we all passed you around the table and you were getting more and more active and vocal, which is what happens when you are overtired. You didn't cry or fuss. You are really a great baby!

Whenever anybody has something in their hands, you grab it with such force and bring it to your mouth! Jake gave Yana a water bottle and you just went for it. They both laughed and gave you some water. You were delighted! If I am holding a notebook, a pen, whatever, it usually makes its way into your mouth!

Whenever anyone sneezes, including Zed, you jump like I've never seen. It is really loud for you. I try to sneeze quietly or warn you, but you still startle. When you sneeze, you smile!

You have a thing for buttons. You really like them. Whenever I wear a shirt with buttons, you touch them, pull them and eat them. It is darling!

My mom bought you a laptop a while ago, but I just gave it to you recently because you are old enough to be interested in it. It has buttons that make different sounds and songs and it is really cute. When it opens and closes it plays music. The only thing you like to do with it is close it and then you get frustrated because it doesn't do anything anymore! So I open it for you and you immediately close it again! One morning, the three of us were lounging around in bed and papa and I got on our laptops. Well, you kept mouthing his and he said, we have to get you your own. To which I replied, she has one and I got you yours, so all three of us were on our laptops. Too funny. We are such a high-tech family!

You also love to eat my cell phone. If I take it away, you cry, unfortunately, they are not waterproof, I found out. As of now, I am without my phone, which is a huge deal for me. I am sort of attached. I was contemplating not getting it fixed though, as a sort of weaning process, but we have no other phone in the house and I do need it in case of emergency, so I am expecting one to arrive in a day or two. I will have to do something about getting you one. I think it is because you see me on it all the time, that you want it too. But you're not getting this one (although it is really difficult to say no to you)!!!

Baby, I love you so much. Each week you change incredibly. You are so pure, so innocent. I am blessed to be in your presence, and to bask in the fresh energy that is you. It is rare and all to often lost. I hope you keep yours for a long time. You are my heart, my soul!

Week 29-November 3-November 9-Hi honey, so you have started to nurse while sitting up and facing me. Once you were playing and I was topless; you just dropped your toy and reached for my boob. Papa and I were quite amused!

When you are upset or overly tired, you blow raspberries over and over. Sometimes when you are nursing you will pull off and look at me for a few moments, it is the sweetest look, almost as if you are searching my soul, and then you will blow a milky raspberry my way and continue nursing.

I have begun giving you puffs to eat. They are little finger food that melt in your mouth. You like them. I had to show you how to chew, and now you can. I got them primarily to develop your manual dexterity and you are able to pick them up and bring them to your mouth. The problem is that they stick to your hand and so they don't actually make it into your mouth unless I help you. But you are doing really well and grasping and feeding yourself. Papa and I went out to dinner with some friends, Ben and Daniela, while Grandma and Grandpa watched you. You, as always, were a perfect angel and they loved having you to themselves.

On Wednesday, the 3rd, I put you in bed to go to sleep and you were playing around, so I got up to go to the kitchen as I have done every other time you do this. Well this time, I heard you talking and playing and then....THUMP and loud crying. I ran so fast into the room, that I slid and fell. The room was dark so I couldn't see you. I flipped on the switch and there you were on the floor in front of my night stand. Oh my! I cannot believe you fell off the bed. I cannot believe you have had two big spills in a matter of a few weeks. I picked you up and kissed you and you nursed. For what its worth, you didn't cry as much as last time and thank G-D, no bruises either. I was actually on the phone with Papa when it happened. So we have been looking for a crib for you. It is only a matter of time before you start rolling over and over in your sleep. Now when you play, I put you in the pack and play until you are ready to sleep, but I want a crib. I think it will be more comfortable for you. I called the doctor and she told me what symptoms to watch out for, but none of them happened. You are a tough kid!

Now when you are sitting and you begin to topple, you can catch yourself with your arms and hands and regain balance. Such a big girl!

The other day, you were on the bed with Zed and I started to play with him. He was running back and forth across the bed, and jumping on me and you began to laugh. I picked you up and had Zed jump up on me. And you began to laugh harder. Without really thinking about it, I took you into the other room, I think to change your diaper and was singing, Aye, Aye, Buskie, Aye, Aye, Buske, over and over again. (I sing a lot, ever since you were born!). You were laughing, laughing, laughing. I figured it out; it was every time I said Buskie. Up until now, your laughs are usually one or two breaths. But this time, it was a full on laughfest. And you have continued doing it each day always with Zed. You are fascinated with him. You will roll over to watch him. We have to be careful though, because the other day, you took his toy away from him and he crept up to your face and snapped right in front of your eyes. I smacked him and have kept him a safe distance from you since. You didn't budge, until I yelled at him and then you started to cry, but I distracted you and all was right again.

It is interesting to see how you will be socialized. A dog snapping at someone would ordinarily make them cringe, be frightened or elicit some sort of response, but since you have had no experience with it, you don't know yet to be afraid or to defend yourself. You are just observing at this point, trying to make sense of it all. How I respond will one hundred percent influence how you do, so I have to watch myself to make sure I am the best role model for you. Moment of truth. I love you baby. I will do everything I can to make sure I do right by you, but in case I mess up, and I will, please know that I did everything I could at the time to the best of my capabilities. You are and will always be my heart and my soul.

Week 28-October 27-November 2-You are really sitting up independently now. No more wobbling and toppling over. You are also reaching for items that peak your intrigue. If I am holding something that you want, you cry until I give it to you. You also have begun inspecting your hands and fingers, usually right before you go to sleep. You will touch your fingertips on opposite hands together gently.

When you nurse, you have begun, grabbing hold of my other nipple and squeezing it. I am not sure how you find it without looking, but you do. It's like you have radar.

We went to the pediatrician for your six month set of vaccines and you now weigh 15 pounds and are 26 3/4 inches long. A perfectly happy, healthy little girl. While the doctor and I were speaking, you were having a ball playing with the mirror. Dr. Schramm and I were both laughing. You are too cute!

Calanit and Joshua had their baby on the 23rd of October. His name is Eliyahu, but I suppose you know that. At his bris on October 30th, my mom was holding you, front and center, to my dismay. Apparently, you were busy blowing raspberries at everybody. So much so, that you sprayed the little girl standing in front of you. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Afterwards, at Kiddush, a woman came up to me and told me how funny you were. You are really a little comedian.

When we were in Seattle, Papa and I got you a little grand piano with four keys on it. You like it but it is still a little difficult for you to hit the keys. We also got you some stacking rings. You LOVE this toy. You play with it every morning while we are still in bed. You take the rings off and suck on the post, you suck on the rings. It is perfect for you.

Baby I love you so much. I don't really remember my life before you came along. It is like my heart didn't really beat until it met you. I am so glad for you. You help me become better.

Week 27-October 20-26-Hi Sweetpea! This past week we went to Seattle and Portland. It was beautiful. It looks like a city was built in the middle of a forest. Papa went to see about a job in Seattle and while we were there, we drove down to Portland to visit Kumi and Gabe. You loved Kumi and Gabe loved you! In Seattle, we stayed with a cousin of mine on my mother's side of the family, Kevin Coskey.

You are an excellent traveler. You are perfect on the plane, coming back home, during take off you didn't nurse and you were fine. Your schedule was totally off and you didn't have any meltdowns. The only time it became slightly difficult for you was around the third day or so, when you didn't want to be strapped into the car seat anymore. I don't blame you, who wants to be tied down!?! You are sitting better than ever and anytime Papa or I eat, you really want some of what we are having. You reach for things now vigorously. If you want it, it will be yours. You also drank some water out of a glass. It was awesome! You sip perfectly, but then let the water dribble down your face! You sat in a highchair for the very first time. While Papa was at lunch with the prospective company, you and I went out to lunch at the Brief Cafe Encounter in Bellevue. The server brought a high chair for you and you happily sat in it and played with your toys. It was the easiest meal I've had to eat since you were born!!! But along with your newfound independence and my joy with your growth, comes the realization that you are not a helpless little newborn anymore and this pattern is going to continue until one day you won't need me anymore. Well, I suppose you will always need me, as I still need my mom, but in a different way.

You don't fall asleep in my arms the way you used to. Now you will just stay up no matter how sleepy you are. There were times in the past when you'd talk and talk and talk and suddenly your head would just drop and you'd be out. Not anymore.

Your hair is so soft and fuzzy. It covers your head now and is a blondish brown. I love rubbing my lips across the top of your head, it feels wonderful. You are watching me as I type this. I'm going to go play with you! Love you baby girl!!!! You are my heart and my soul!

Week 26-October 13-19-Hi Sweetpea! Well, you are now SIX MONTHS old. My baby isn't really a baby anymore. I suppose you are to other people, but you are so developed to me. It will be interesting to see you next to Calanit's new baby, when he/she is born. I remember you as a newborn, but the contrast will be outstanding I am sure.

We had a fun week. On Saturday, the 16th, you, Papa and I drove to Santa Clarita to visit a pumpkin patch. You were asleep at first, but woke up in time to eat some straw and play in a bin of miniature pumpkins. The three of us had a great time. It is really good for you to see so many new sights. It stimulates your mind. On Sunday, we went to my folk's house for Levi's first birthday party. The entire family hadn't been together in a few months. The house was warm and festive and all the children were playing together. Really wonderful. At one point, you were in an excersaucer and Ellis, Tabitha and Yeshaya were all playing around you and with you. You were fascinated, watching all the big kids play with you. Ellis is very gentle with you, but he does like to press the soft spot on your head, so I have to watch him. He likes to hold your hand and tickle your feet and you seem to like him! You love Yael, though. You are all smiles for her! At one point it became too much and you began to cry, something you don't usually do, so we went upstairs for a little quiet time. You were too excited to sleep, but it did help settle you, nonetheless.

When we were getting ready to leave, Papa put you in your car seat on one of the kitchen chairs, something we both have done a million times. I was in the den talking to someone when we heard a thump and you screaming. Oh my G-d, you were on the floor with the car seat over you. You fell off. Papa lifted the car seat, you weren't buckled in, and I grabbed you. Poor baby. Your face was so red, you were so upset. You wouldn't nurse at first. It took me a while to calm you down, but finally you did and you slept in my arms. Papa and I were very upset, but after you stopped crying, you were fine. And we had just had a conversation in the car that morning about how you had never fallen or been dropped. The next morning, your little left cheek had a large bruise, but it doesn't seem to bother you. Papa and I are still traumatized over it though. We just have to be so careful.

Today, you and I went over to Levi and Aunt Yael's house. We went on a hike to the Hollywood sign. You love being outdoors and seeing the blue sky and green trees. It was chilly and we came across two coyotes, so we decided to turn around. It was fun. I am going to try to take you on two hikes a week. I love it and so do you!

You have discovered my cell phone. Probably because I am always on it, texting or talking. You love to chew on it and dial people's numbers. It is cute to watch you, but I am not sure how safe it is.....

We leave on Thursday to go to Seattle and Portland, so next week, I will write to you all about that!

I love you, little angel. You are my heart and my soul! Papa came home early today because he wasn't feeling well and so you spent some time with him. He read to you and put on your pajamas and you fell asleep next to him. He never gets to do that with you because he is working so hard for us. I know he really enjoyed it. Times like these are very special. He loves you so much!

Week 25-October 6-October 12-Hi Ladybug! You are a big girl now. You have started to fall asleep for your naps without me helping you. Amazing! You have eaten avocado and sweet potato! You like everything, although you do make faces at first. After you eat, you drink water out of the bottle. You enjoy holding the bottle yourself and you do a great job of it. So far you have eaten apples, bananas, rice porridge, avocado and sweet potato. Everything was prepared by me except for the porridge and sweet potato. Those were from a box and a jar respectively, but there really is no need to use that stuff, unless maybe we are traveling and don't have a place to keep fresh food. You blow on the spoon and food flies everywhere, so I can't feed you on the couch anymore. I suppose it is time for that highchair!

We got you a Halloween costume! You are going to be a lavender butterfly!!!! I don't have the words to describe how cute you are in it. Then again, you are cute in everything! You have been rolling back and forth, back and forth. It is liberating for you to become independent. You have been waiting for your body to catch up with your will. The look of pure joy on your face when you accomplish a new milestone brings your papa and me such happiness. I feel fulfilled in a way I never knew to be possible. You also have been laughing more. The best sound on earth, truly! Love you, baby girl!!!

Week 24-September 29-October 5: Hi Ladybug! My sweet sweet little girl. I am so in love with you, I feel my heart growing whenever I am near you or think about you. We have discovered a new game. I kiss your tiny face all over and you laugh and laugh and laugh. When I make kissy sounds or smack my lips together, you break into great big smiles. You think it is the funniest thing! You also like when I kiss your ribcage. You are one terrific kid! You use your feet to touch things including each other. Your little toes on one foot will wrap over the toes on the other foot. It is precious. You have also been trying to crawl. You push your head and chest up and then rest them and push your bottom up. So far they haven't yet synchronized! But don't worry, they will. Papa and I really like you. People still stop us to tell us how gorgeous you are. There is some special spark in you and everybody can see it. You are amazing. Each day passes so quickly, just yesterday you were born and we thought to ourselves, how incredible, this child didn't even exist ten months ago, and now here she is, larger than life itself. And now, you are a whopping five months old. Time passes us by, and we try to savor each and every moment, but we are also curious to see you in five years, ten years, thirty five years... you are our light baby, our wildest dreams come true. I love you and so does your Papa.

Week 23- September 22-28th: Hi Baby! You are so much fun for Papa and me to be around. You make us laugh in ways we didn't know we could. We have started you on a strict bedtime routine and it has been working! You take a bath every day at 6:00. Then at 6:30, we read one or two books and have lights out. You are usually asleep right around 7:00. This has been great for the both of us. My next goal is to get you to sleep through most of the night. I think being sick really messed up your sleep routine because you are now up almost every hour wanting to nurse.

When you nurse you hum. It is very sweet. I love listening to you. It slows down after you have nursed and become drowsy and if I don't get to you in time, you hum frantically. Your little nails grow so quickly. I need to file them almost daily. They are so sharp, it is easy for you to scratch your little face and my back and breasts have scratches on them too. It hurts! Your new activity this week is sticking your tongue out and blowing so saliva goes everywhere! I try to catch it on videotape but each time I turn it on, you stop and just stare at the camera! Late last week, we went to lunch with my mom. At the restaurant the server, took your toe and squeezed it. You were facing my mom and just looked at her. And then came the lip, and tears! Oh baby, you didn't like that at all. The server felt so badly. My mom cheered you up though and you were soon smiling smiling smiling again. You have really begun to notice Zed too, this week. Your eyes follow him whenever he is near you, which is quite often. You also have begun to grab his face. We watch the two of you very closely. He has been known to not be patient with little ones, but we think he understands that you are different because you are ours!

Ok baby, after the fuss and chaos of the past several weeks, this week feels as though it was slower, a welcome change for the both of us! Although, my father did mention that he was concerned about the bones in your head fusing too quickly and that a neurosurgeon would have to saw open your scalp. UGH! So dramatic, especially after all we have been through together. So you and I went to Dr. Schramm to have your head checked. It was actually funny. She gave you a pretty thorough head massage and each time she tried to look at the side of your head, you would turn your head to watch what she was doing! I had to hold you looking over my shoulder so she could finish the exam. Turns out, you're normal! But we knew that, just went to appease my folks. And you weigh 14.6 pounds.

Papa said something interesting the other day. You are almost six months old. Where did the time go? In another six months, you will already be a year. Time is flying by, a moment ago, you were five pounds and could only move your legs and arms and now you are so mobile and independent! You play by yourself for longer periods of time, you are eating solid foods, you stand when we hold you! My folks have an excersaucer in which the seat rotates around the activity center. When you are in it, you walk around in circles! It is so funny to see you walking and you love it! You were born ready to move; just waiting for your body to catch up with your will. We try to appreciate every moment we have, but time still passes us by. You change constantly. We love you so much! You are my heart and my soul!

Week 22-September 15-September 21-Hi baby girl! You are five and a half months!!! I am so behind in your blog. I have been busy and exhausted and you have been doing so many new things. I have tons of orange post it notes on which all of your accomplishments are scribbled. In order to catch up, I will write about this past week and then just jot down in note form the rest. This week you, papa and I were in Atlanta, Georgia visiting Babulia and Dadulia. Your great-grandmother, Zsilia was very ill and papa wanted to go to visit her. We also wanted to get some pictures of you with her. Four generations is something to take notice of! We actually left on September 11th. It was your first plane ride! You were marvelous. You slept through the entire flight pretty much. At one point I needed to change your diaper and that is when I realized, I have never seen a changing table on an airplane. Sure enough, some planes have them, but most do not, and ours was one of those. The flight attendant gave me some blankets and I draped them over the toilet and changed you there. Talk about tight quarters! And germs, YUCK. But you did great, kicking and talking the whole while.

This is the first time that papa's parents got to see you in their own home, in their own comfort zone. For the last week, you have been in their arms. They just adore you. They bathed you, sang, read, you name it, they did it. You bring so much light into their lives; you represent hope and the future. It is amazing. They bought you all these chewing toys and an incredible swing which you liked to sleep in, but also would stay in for long periods of time just zoning out. It was a little off putting since you are usually so alert, so we made sure not to keep you in it for more that 10 or 15 minutes at a time while awake. We took you to the nursing home where your great-grandmother was and we took some nice pictures.

The next day the three of us drove to Savannah, Georgia, a place I have wanted to visit for years. It was a very hot, humid five hour car ride. It was difficult for you, you were tired of being strapped down for so long, sweaty and you began to get angry. Once in Savannah, you were fine, but then we had the ride back two days later. Fifteen minutes from Savannah, is Tybee Beach, a little island that is wonderful. We actually stayed there. We took you into the Atlantic Ocean, your first water experience! It is so much warmer than what I am used to. And although you are a little young, we put sunscreen on you because the sun was so strong, While we were there, we learned that Zsilia had passed away on September 14, a Tuesday. We came back on Wednesday and Thursday was the funeral.

Papa and I left you with your grandparents a lot, so they could really get to know your personality. I saw my first movie in almost a year. The longest we left you was about 2 and a half hours and that was pushing it for me. They fawned over you so much, papa noted that he hadn't really seen you and I told him that I missed you. We came back to Los Angeles on Tuesday, the 21st. Again, you were an angel on the plane. You are my heart and my soul little girl. I love you.

I stopped giving you the antibiotic around the 19th of September. Enough is enough! It has been about two months that you have been taking it. You now were grabbing a hold of the syringe and feeding yourself the meds. Putting it in your mouth and taking it out. Sweet and cute, but unnerving as well. We see Dr. Bellack tomorrow and hear what he has to say.

The day before we came back to Los Angeles, we met an old friend of your Papa's. Brad, his wife, Maya and their year old son, Zane. Brad, Zane, Papa, you and me went to a neighborhood park and you sat in a swing for the very first time! Although, you were absolutely adorable, you weren't very happy about it. You and I also slid down a slide together. THAT was fun! We both enjoyed it.

Ok, here are the notes. I will resume my weekly blogging from this point on, but I just do not feel like I can catch up on the weeks I missed. But I did want to give you the highlights!!!

*You wear a size two in diapers. You love looking at yourself in mirrors. You love any and all attention. Papa and I sing a face song to you where we touch part of your face and say the name of it. It goes like this, but really there is no order, cheek, nose, cheek, cheek, nose, chin, lip, lip and forehead. Papa sings it in Russian. You could be fussy and if we sing this, you become very still and listen attentively with a smile. When I hold you in my arms, you tend to pitch forward so we are careful.

*One of the issues we had with your illness is that some doctors thought your salivary gland was infected and others thought it was your lymph node. It wasn't until we saw a cat scan that we found it was actually the lymph node.

*You prefer the antibiotic when it tastes like strawberry, not orange, but usually you make a face regardless.
*August 13-You weigh 12.8 pounds.
*August 15th-You now hold your own feet. Your manual dexterity is developing. You rest your feet on me when you nurse and we are laying down. You smile all the time. Your hand movements are very feminine. When you wake from sleeping, your little legs and feet stick up in the air. When you were on your changing table, I handed you your orange rattle and you reached for it! When you nurse, you look at me now and will smile. Sometimes you smile so widely that you let go of the nipple and we begin to talk.

* August 24th- you rolled over for the very first time from your back to your belly. I left you in the room in one position, came back and you were in another! Imagine my surprise! Now when you cry, Zed goes to you to see what the matter is.

You love to stand now with us holding onto you. You get the largest smile on your face. We also pull you from a laying position to a sitting one. We lay on our backs and fly you like an airplane over our faces. That is fun for you!

You have been biting my nipples! OUCH!!

*You, my mom and I went to Target to get a few things. My mom showed you some musical toys, (a laptop and a car). This was the first time you had seen or heard toys like these. You smiled so hard, your eyes crinkled. My mom got you the toys!!!

*You are really holding onto your toys and playing with them. You are interested in everything. So alert. Lots of lip smacking. Very oral, everything goes into your mouth, or at least you try to get it in there.

*1:00 on Sept 1, Wednesday you rolled from back to belly at my folk's house. You are starting to hug, wrap your little arms around our neck and snuggle your head into our necks. You are experimenting with your voice emitting little, loud shrieks.

*September 3-your feet have made it into your mouth!

*September 7th- your first full laugh. I was kissing your face all over and you laughed. Your sound left a mark on my soul that is indelible. You have been incredibly oral since August 17th. The week of September 9th, you snuggle, snuggle, snuggle.

*You have stopped biting my nipples. Thank G-D!

*you began grabbing your feet a few days before you went into the hospital. You grabbed more with your right hand because your left was bandaged due to the IV. I thought that everything would take you a little more time because you were so sick for so long, but as soon as you left the hospital, you flew with all of the developmental milestones. I am so proud of you. You are very motivated!

Week 19-August 25th-31st-Hi Baby, I have missed three weeks of blogging, but oh my, have they been an overwhelming three weeks!!! You are now four months and three weeks old, weigh 13.6 pounds and are 25.5 inches long. You are a different child than you were when last I wrote.
I suppose I will begin from where I left off and continue from there.

You were given so many blood tests to see what was going on in your little body. The pediatrician, an infectious desease specialist and an ears, nose and throat doctor were all trying to figure out this mystery. Someone thought your lymph node was infected, the ENT doctor, thought it was your salvary gland. You were tested for mumps, cat scratch fever and staff. Everytime you wake up from sleep you cry and cry and cry. Usually, you wake up smiling.

So it turns out that the infection that you had was in your lymph node and began to spread up the right side of your face and had turned into an abscess, which needed to be drained. Before we could get that done, you needed to get a CAT-Scan to see exactly where the infection was. On Tuesday, August 17, Papa and I checked you into Cedar-Sinai Medical Center and the next day you had to have surgery to drain the abscess. They put a tube down your throat and put you to sleep. The surgery took about 30 minutes and it was about an hour before we had you back in our arms. We had never been so scared and upset in our lives. When I handed you to the anesthesiologist, he carried you upright facing behind him. You cried and cried the whole way down the hall and I couldn't get you back. I stared helplessly. My father had to guide me away from your cries and into the waiting room. When we got you back, you were still asleep from the anesthesia but when you began to wake your cries were soft and hoarse from the tube. It was very sad, but the surgery was a success. Dr. Bellack, the otolaryngologist, took out 10 cc's of pus. That is about 2 teaspoons full. It is a lot considering how little you are. You have a little scar behind your right ear which should fade away by the time you are one year old.

We were in the hospital for six days, five nights. All the residents and nurses loved you. I think for the most part, you were the littlest patient in the pediatric wing. I stayed with you the entire time, Papa came every morning and evening to see you. You are still taking antibiotics and we have been home for a week and a half. This is crazy, it is just taking a long time for you to heal although the swelling in your face in gone and you only have a smallish purple bump on the right side of your neck. You feel a lot better and do not wake up crying anymore. When we went back to Dr. Bellack for a follow-up, pus had started to reaccumulate and so he put a needle into your neck and drained about 2 cc's worth of pus. I think he is a good doctor and a good man, but I believe that he is desensitized to pain, because it hurts you, a lot, and he is not the most gentle man. You put your faith and trust into doctors and think that what they do is in your best interest, so I do not think to question him, but afterwards, I think he could have given you a numbing agent to make it less tramatic.

During our second follow up with him, a few days later, he asked me if I wanted to drain it again and I told him not if it wasn't necessary and it wasn't. So the way we left it was another week of medicine and lets see how it goes. I am diligient about giving you your meds exactly on time, never a missed dose, but it is crazy, you have been taking meds for about five weeks now. At least you are only on one type of medicine now, instead of two, because they did finally figure out that the bacteria you are carrying is staff, which is everywhere, but you apparently were succeptable to it because your little body was so busy fighting off cold germs that you couldn't fight off the staff also. Your body did manage to sequester the bacteria in your lymph node rather than have it spread all throughout your body and that is a very good thing. I guess that although you were very sick, had that happened, you would have been much more sick.

During this entire time lots of amazing developmental leaps and bounds were reached. On Friday, August 13th you weighed 12.8 pounds. You have started to laugh, despite feeling lousy. When Papa and I are close to you, you hold our faces with both your little hands. It is very sweet. You are reaching more for your toys and your aim is getting better. You love love love your rattle and hold it and shake it. You chew on Sophie the Giraffe and make her squeak; not too long ago you would just look at her. We would put her in your hand and she would fall right out. You also love your seahorse. We play its music anytime you have a dipe change and you just smile and your eyes sparkle. When Papa or I sing to you, you sing right along with us. It is awesome! You are growing by leaps and bounds. I never knew someone could change so quickly. Everyday you are doing something new. I have pages and pages of notes I jotted down, so I wouldn't forget to put anything in this blog, but I am going to continue it tomorrow. I love you, my baby, and I am so relieved that you are finally getting better and growing stronger. As a result of all of this, I don't let anyone touch you without them washing their hands first and only family, no one else can touch you. Papa and I love you more than anything! You are our dream!

Week 16-August 4th-August 10th-FOUR MONTHS! It is absolutely unbelievable how time flies. Papa and I went to a wedding this past Saturday with you in tow, and we saw a two month old and a six week old baby. I remember you were teeny tiny, but now I cannot picture it, especially when I saw you next to these little ones. You are long, lean and completely filled out, super alert with tons of expressions to convey your thoughts and feelings. You slept through most of the reception, we were shocked. You usually don't sleep through commotion well at all. We have a friend, Patrick, whose wife is about four months pregnant. Patrick could not stop looking at you. He just wanted to play but you were asleep. He held your hand and told us how beautiful you are! He cannot wait for his own little one to arrive!

Do you remember when I wrote that you were feeling ill when we went to Capistrano Beach? Every time someone picked you up, you cried. I thought that maybe your ribcage hurt from us lifting you so much. Papa thought that your shoulders may have popped out of their sockets. We couldn't figure out what was going on. Turns out that it was your neck that was bothering you. Last Thursday I noticed that the right side of your face was a little rounder than the left side, but thought nothing of it. Friday morning we woke up and your lymph node on the right side of your neck was huge! Completely swollen. We rushed you to the doctor where he promptly weighed you, 12.6 pounds, and he ordered some blood tests so we had to take you to the lab and the lady there felt for a vein in your arms, just like an adult gets blood taken. You cried, but were very brave and then we went home. Turns out you have an infection. Nobody knows how you got it, but it is bacterial (we didn't find this out until Monday) and Papa and I are pumping you full of antibiotics. We thought you were going to have to be hospitalized and have the node surgically drained, but we went to an ear, nose and throat specialist and he gave us about a weeks more time to see if the swelling will go down on its own. We were scared it was going to be something much worse, but we were told that this isn't serious and not to worry.

Papa and I are having some problems, so we went to go talk to someone about them, but we couldn't take you because it was your bedtime, so Grandma Mondi came to stay with you. This was the first time we left you. Of course, you woke up as soon as we left, but you were asleep when we came home tonight. I used Aunt Yael's pump to express some milk for you. I prepared a bottle, but had heard stories about babies going on hunger strikes because they didn't like the bottle. I was fully expecting to hear that you cried and fussed the entire time we were gone (about an hour and a half). You took the bottle. First time, no problem! No whining, no crying. So much for my concerns. So this means, papa and I are going out on a date for our first anniversary, and you get to hang with Grandma Mondi!!! As much as I am opposed to putting artificial anything into you, you have gotten a lot with all of the tummy medicine, pacifier tries and now antibiotics, that a bottle wasn't too tramatic for me, although in my ideal world you would never have one.

You have started to make little grunting noises when you want our attention. It is adorable!

People stop us wherever we might be to tell us how beautiful you are. I am not exaggerating. People stop us all the time to say something. You are special, even total strangers can feel it. I love you little girl and so does your Papa!

Week 15-July 28-August 3-This past week we went to my cousin, Sonila's baby shower and Capistrano Beach for a week's vacation with my parents, siblings, your cousins and your Atlanta grandparents. It was so cold and cloudy, you didn't even wear your swim suit that I bought for you. We have no pictures of you in the sand, because it was too cold to sit you in it, for even a moment! Ah, well, next time. In the middle of the week, Wednesday and Thursday, you didn't feel well. There was no temperature, but your head was hot, hot, hot and you nursed for about 48 hours straight. When you weren't nursing, you either cried or slept. We were worried about you, but whatever it was that was bothering you, passed. Your little nose was running! So sad. This morning, you put yourself to sleep. It is a rare occurrence! You and I have been on the move lately. After we came back from Capistrano, we went to a barbque and the next day to Ellis' fifth birthday party. You have missed naps and so are quite fussy. I told your father that this was it. You absolutely cannot miss your naps, it throws you off and then me too! I did meet with a new pediatrician this week. (Your second round of vaccinations is coming up in a few weeks, UGH!) She answered all of my questions and seems accepting of attachment parenting, which is important to me. I did ask her about all of the fussiness lately and that I thought you were a very sensitive child and she said that it is perfectly normal and healthy for a baby to behave this way and that I should try to keep you on a steady schedule. This was reassuring to me, because the last thing I want to do is damage you emotionally by not meeting your needs. Anyway baby, I hope I am doing alright by you, time will tell, but I do love you more than life itself. You are my world!

Week 14-July 20-July 28th-Hi baby! This week we discovered your first freckle! It is on your forehead right at your hairline. You have begun crying right before you go to sleep as if protesting the injustice of having to miss out on the wakeful experience. You are growing everyday! It is hard to remember how teensy you were when we first met. Your Atlanta grandparents came to visit us and they just oohed and aahed over you. They loved to watch you sleep and to hold you in their arms. You bring hope and joy to so many people, it is really incredible. Love you!

Week 13-July14-July 20-You are discovering your hands. You wave them in front of your face for what seems like hours, (it is probably just minutes). Your right fist is now usually inside of your mouth and when it is not, your little hands are intertwined with each other. You are also holding onto your toys more and your blankets. You bring the blankets up to your mouth to suck on. It is really cute, but I have to watch out to make sure that you are not eating fuzz! Kumi came into town this week and the three of us went shopping and then brought home some take out. You were wide awake! You didn't go to sleep until 10:30. Usually you are down between 6:30 to 7:00. You loved Kumi; you kept smiling and looking at her, and she loved you right back! You are so happy these days, rarely do you cry. You love being held with your back to my tummy, so you can see out. You are starting to be wary of people you do not know. If they want to hold you, you cry.

This week was full of errands, and so we went to the DMV so I could change the name on my license from Kopple to Nedelin. We also went to one of my mom's properties, to get some photographs out of my storage. While there, we saw an old aquaintance, Danny Pulley. She tickled you and you were smiling, smiling, smiling! Before I knew it, she kissed you on your neck. At the time, I thought, "Well, we're friends and I need to chill out on the whole people touching you thing", but what do you know, two days later you came down with your first cold. AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO ANNOYED! A-that you are sick and B-your pure, untainted body is now contaminated with someone else's disgusting germs. You woke me up in the middle of the night with your snoring. I freaked out, tried to suction your nostrils out with that bulb thing, which made you cough, and then called my dad at 3 in the morning to see if I should take you to the emergency room. After explaining all of the symptoms, he said you should be fine, but I was up half the night making sure you were able to breathe. Babies cannot breathe out of their mouths, so if their noses are stuffed, it is potentially dangerous. The next day, Sunday, I brought you over to my parents' house so my dad could listen to your chest and make sure you were alright. You were, and still are! He did tease me for being so concerned over something so small, but I didn't mind. He understood how a new mother feels about her infant!

You are really empathetic to my emotions. If I am looking at you seriously, that is how you look back at me. If I look at you worriedly, you give me the lip (too cute!), and if I smile or laugh with you, you smile, smile, smile right back! I love it, your precious faces. We are working on laughing and saying mama! You are absolutely perfect! I love you!

Week 12-7/7-7/13/2010-3 MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I looked at you tonight and for a moment didn't recognize you! You are a different child, your face is elongating, your hair is growing, your facial features more and more expressive. Absolutely incredible, a true miracle. When I move you suddenly or you are handed to someone you do not know, you give the lip, a sure fire way to make my heart melt. Today, we were at my folks' house and I was in the office looking for something. Grandma was holding you. You were fascinated with one of their house guests, Julie, so my mom handed you over and you gave the lip. I like that you recognize certain people, and are wary of newcomers. It makes me feel special and further solidifies my bond with you. My baby....When you eat, we discuss the menu. You are very feminine in your movements and in your face. A true girly girl. Your hair is silky silky silky and straight. Nothing at all like mine, which is wild and curly. Your neck is getting stronger, when I lift you, you support your head so that it doesn't flop back. Amazing! I am exhausted this night, so this entry will be short, but please know you have completely taken over my heart and my soul. I love you more than anything.

Week 11-6/30/2010-7/6/2010-My baby girl! I love you, I love you, I love you!!! You are sleeping right now and I miss you. I want to wake you so I can hear you speak to me and see your wonderful smile, but it would be a major mistake. I have already learned that the hard way!

Let's see...This was a busy week. We went to a Fabrick family reunion on Saturday and everybody loved you. You were the youngest family member there. After that, Papa and I took you on our very first hike together in Topanga Canyon called Red Rock. It was beautiful and you enjoyed looking at all of the trees and flowers. Then on Sunday, you, Papa and I had a photoshoot at my Uncle Bill's and Aunt Shelli's home. They took some fabulous pictures of all of us. It was the fourth of July and my mom and dad hosted a huge barbque at their home which we went to. This was your big debut. The first time everybody had a chance to meet you. Love at first sight. You are the most gorgeous girl ever. You were great too, both days of so much excitement and you remained calm and engaged; no major meltdowns. Monday, we went over to Uncle Mike's, Aunt Yael's and Levi's home to spend time with them. Then Yael, Levi, you and I went to the Grove to get outside for a bit. Today, you and I took Zed for a couple of walks, but we took it pretty easy. Papa and I have been very good about sticking to your bedtime, so I think that makes it easier for you to be out in the midst of so much commotion. Now when you become sleepy, you rub your eyes. Your eyes are slowly beginning to change from the color of the sea on a stormy day to a soft brown.

You have begun clamping down on my nipple with your gums when you are ready to pull off. Little girl, this hurts so much and you don't even have teeth yet! You are kicking your legs so much, soon you will begin to roll over. I have to watch that I do not place you too close to the edge of the bed or changing table anymore for fear of you kicking yourself right off the edge. You are in great moods all of the time now unless I keep you up for too long. No more tummy pains, no more hours of screaming. It is awesome. You are a great baby!

When I dress you in the mornings, I need to pull your onesies over your head. You do not like this at all. You cry and complain and then as soon as I pull your little arms through the arm holes, you start smiling and talking again. As much as I try to distract you and dress you quickly, this happens each morning! Baby Girl!

Week 10-6/23/10-6/29/2010-A lot has happened this week. You were vaccinated and you weigh eleven pounds! Papa and I really contemplated this one. We did all the research and thought long and hard about it. We did not want to vaccinate you, but in these times, it turns out that it is better to. I was so nervous, Papa came with us to the pediatrician, who didn't even administer the vaccines. His nurse did. She was so terrible to you, so sadistic. You screamed louder than I had ever heard you. She wouldn't let me hold you during the shots. Afterward, you cried in my arms and wouldn't nurse right away. I cried too. We decided to never go back to that office. So I am in the process of finding pediatricians who believe in our child raising pedagogy. You were pretty groggy the rest of the day. That night was the first night since you were born that you didn't really sleep. The next night as well. Papa and I were pretty exhausted. After these few nights though, you began to sleep again. Thank G-d.

You still are not napping for more than fifteen, twenty minutes at a time. Papa tells me to nap with you, but it doesn't help you stay asleep and I get super grumpy when I can't sleep for long periods of time, so I decide it is better for me not to nap with you. When you are in the car with me and falling asleep, every time I stop at a red light you cry. When the car moves again, you fall back asleep. It is uncanny. Your cry is changing, now you sob instead of crying with one long breathless wail. And tears well from the corners of your eyes. Sometimes they trickle down your cheeks. I kiss them away. They are precious to me. Your bubble blowing has turned into full on drool that cascades down your little chin onto the neckline of your clothing.

Your nursing habits have changed. From the time you were born until a few weeks ago, you would make contented soft grunts while rubbing your face on my nipple, getting milk all over your face and neck. It was awesome! First the rubbing slowed down and now the grunting has pretty much ceased. Now you suckle and pull off, suckle and pull off and when you come back to suckle you enthusiastically latch on again. When you are full, your eyes fill with happiness and joy and you stick out your tongue and lick my nipple. I love it! This sacred time that you and I share with only each other. It is special beyond words.

You have outgrown most of your newborn cloth dipes and I must find you some size ones. I cannot believe you have grown so much. There is an entire cloth diaper community that I am slowing making my way into thanks to your Aunt Robin.

We had our first playdate this week with a friend of mine from work, Liz Kane. Her daughter, Emily is about four months old. We went over to their house and Liz held you and I held Emily. Emily was very interested in watching her mom hold you. You paid no attention to anybody but me. You fell asleep in my arms, so sweet. We will do it again when you are a little older!

Your birthday, April 14, is the yarzeith of my brother Jeffery. He was ten weeks old, exactly 77 days when he passed away. When you were born, it was as though Jeffrey's death suddenly made more sense to me. One baby left us so many years ago; one baby made her way into the world. I think that for my father, your birth, somehow gave him a sort of closure to Jeffery's untimely passing. When the nurses announced your birth date in the delivery room (after so many hours of intensity, you tend to lose track of the hours and days) my thought was of Jeffery, but it was fleeting. I found later that nobody wanted to tell me the significance of April 14th for fear of my concern, but I didn't find it ominous, rather a blessing that this day has now and will forever more be one of joy and life when for so many years it was one of tragedy and loss. My father told me of this day, that to him, it was a blessing. For Papa and me, it certainly is every day, this is the day that changed us in ways we could not have even begun to imagine.

You are 80 days old on July 2, 2010. You have outlived Jeffery by 3 days.
I love you.

Week 9-6/16-6/22-Hi little girl! You have begun to blow bubbles! It is adorable. When I try to touch them, you suck them back into your mouth. Later this week, you began drooling. I always thought it was sloppy when babies drooled, but, on you, it is like the sweetest juice that flows from the fruit trees in the Garden of Eden. Your hairline on the back of your head is growing up. So you are growing more hair, but still have downy fuzz on the top of your head. Did I ever tell you that Papa and I are shocked that your hair is silky brown? Both of us had blond curls when we were born. Papa had them throughout his childhood and I until about the age of three or so. Naturally, we expected you to be a blondie too, but you are a brunette. You move about. In the middle of the night often you will travel up and diagonal. It seems like this is practice for rolling over, which I am sure will come soon. I don't want you to change, I love each and every stage you go through, but every time you do something new, I am delighted. I want to purchase ear phones for you because it seems that noises are so loud. Papa says I am being too protective, and maybe he is right, but I do not want any harm to come to you. Anyway, this way we can take you to concerts and plays, which I want to go to!

Week 8-June 9-15-I cleaned the bathroom with Pine Sol and the scent permeated the entire bedroom where you are sleeping so I put you and Papa in the guest bedroom to sleep away from the odor and came back to the bedroom to write this post. Typing with two hands is definitely a luxury!

TWO MONTHS!!!!! You are such a big girl now. You don't fit into some of your newborn sized clothing, so I go clothing shopping with you. So much fun! So many cute outfits. Although I don't have any other babies to compare you with, from how clothing drapes on you, I surmise that you are a bit narrower, thinner than most babies your size. Everything is baggy on the sides, but fit you lengthwise. Grandma buys you pretty outfits that are a little large on you and I cannot believe that one day soon, you will fit into them and then outgrow them. I spend hours just looking at you trying to memorize every feature, every movement, every sound you make. Pictures and video don't capture your essence.

One day I put on your hat while you were in the stroller and you began to cry, but the hat looked so adorable that I laughed. You saw me laughing and immediately began to smile. I realized that you are beginning to be in sync with my moods and emotions. Another time, you wouldn't go down for a nap. About an hour into rocking and shhhh-ing you, I exasperatedly said, Ellie, go to sleep. You began to cry. I am certain I hurt your feelings with my tone. I am sorry, little girl. I will try to be kinder with my tone from now on. You pick up quickly. When Papa and I argue, you cry. We didn't know that a baby at such a young age would be this alert to her surroundings, although you are very sensitive to the elements, just like both of your parents.

Papa and I stay at my parents' house one night and you didn't want to take a nap; you are refusing your daytime naps at this point, and so Grandma tries to put you in the bouncer. You take to it like a fish to water. I am AMAZED! There are little toys dangling in front of you and you try to hit them with your hands. You succeed. Since you are smiling and cooing, my mom decides to put you in the swing and lo and behold, you actually like it. For at least 15 minutes. I have been trying to get you in the swing every other day since we brought you home. I cannot believe my eyes. When we come back to our home the next day I put you in the swing and you take to it again. Unbelievable!!!!!

A high school friend of mine, Katie Taylor, whose daughter just turned one, gives us a bag of clothing. In it are socks, your first pairs. We try on white ankle socks with a pink trim and pink and blue whales on them. So cute although I am a little sad to not be able to touch and look at your pretty toes. When you take a nap, one sock stays on and the other falls off. It took me a while to find it.

We sing head shoulders knees and toes every day on the changing table and you smile and smile and smile. We are beginning to get a routine established. Baths on Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays. We change into pajamas at around 5-6pm. I read a book to you before your afternoon nap and we go on walks at least once a day. You eat, have activity time, eat again, and then nap. Naps at this point last 30 minutes instead of the hour and thirty minutes that all of the books say you should be taking, but 30 minutes is better than no minutes. I am relishing my time with you. It is incredible to see how fast you are changing. I have never experienced anything like this before. I love you!

Papa and I have decided that I am going to take a leave of absence from work, so I can stay and be with you. You and I go to my classroom to pack my personal belongings and everybody comes to see you. They all ooh and ahh over you and think you are absolutely beautiful. I am a proud mama.

Week 7-June 2-8-Baby Girl! You are our sunlight! You are smiling more and growing so much. Your feet are huge! You don't like it anymore when we put on your hats, but soon recover from it. You still resist the swing, but are able to entertain yourself for longer periods of time when we put you down. I can usually get 15 minutes of free arm time when you are willing.....

Week 6-5/26-6/1-You weigh 9 pounds and 6 ounces! Papa and I host a Memorial Day Barbque. Your first. Everybody is delighted to meet you and tells us how beautiful you are. You are now saying a few more 'words' and as we are house-sitting for my folks, we take you outside a lot to look at the flowers and trees. You delight in feeling textures run across your hands and face. Your rash is finally clearing up and you seem more comfortable. I can tell you are ready to sleep because you yawn with a wide open mouth (we can see all the way to the back of your mouth) and rub your eyes. You don't settle down for naps easily at this point though and so I purchase a white noise machine. Day 1-it doesn't work, but do not worry, Mama is persistent and will continue to try. You do sleep comfortably in the sleepy wrap. You smile and coo more and more. Each time you do, my heart melts. I love you so much! Your hairline is darkening subtly now and we can see what shape your forehead will be. There is peach fuzz all over your head and long locks in the back. It has been this way since birth; it is just gradually growing in.

Week 5-Our baby has her first diaper rash! Drat those disposible diaps. I am so upset but this is what happens to many babies. I buy diaper creme. We will see if it works. Your little tush is so red and raw. It doesnt seem to really bother you though. You have gotten used to the gas but sometimes still cry out when it is particularly painful. It has affected your eating, you dont eat as much and your sleeping, sometimes you wake up after less than three hours. You slept for four hours once during the night. Your daytime naps are also shorter and you prefer to sleep in my arms, although I have discovered that you will sleep in the car seat if I put you there after you have fallen asleep in my arms. You do not like the swing or the co-sleeper although you will hang out in the co-sleeper, you wont even give the swing a chance. When I put you on your funky farmyard playgym, you now see the animals swinging gently above your head. I have decided to shower at night. It saves me so much time in the morning and I dont need to time it around anything. Papa watches you while I clean up.

Week 4-A month! Our baby is a month old. The wrap arrives. It works! You sleep in it and are warm and cozy. The only problem is I cannot fit you into it by myself. I need someone to place you in it while I stretch out the fabric around you. We take you to the strawberry festival, and you sleep until the very end, but when you wake, it is too cold and windy for a baby to be out and after you eat, we get you back into the car where it is warm and comfortable. I finally begin to relax about your breathing although I still check about every 10-15 minutes. You are now the size of a newborn and strong. I dont ride in the back with you anymore, that stopped at about 3 weeks, because you can keep your head from shaking side to side during bumpy car rides. I do turn around often to look at you, check your breathing and head position. Papa doesnt have a mirror in the back for me to see you so I will often hop from front seat to back while he is driving. In my car, I can see you in the mirror and hold your hand while I drive. You have begun to have gas and it is excruciating. You cry and cry. Papa and I do everything we can think of to ease the discomfort, but it doesnt really work. Our happy beautiful girl is so upset. I cry with you. I change my diet, we pump your legs back and forth, we rub your tummy and change your position. The doctor tells us nothing can be done, but we dont believe him and start asking people with babies what they have done. Also, you have discovered your tongue! You stick it out and roll it around it your mouth. I begin to put you on the funky farmyard playgym and you look up but dont really focus on the animals hanging above. Up until now, you have had the most perfect complexion, but now a nasty rash breaks out all over your face, head, neck and chest. I take you to the doctor and he tells me to put on hydrocortizone sparingly. I put it on once, but then we wait to see if it goes away on its own. You weigh 9 pounds 6 ounces, a far leap from the 5.15 at birth! You are so fussy, I break down and offer you a pacifier. I have two of my own, my mother brings over another two. All in all we try five different kinds; you take none of them. I am very happy about this. Once my mom tries to put one in your mouth and you zip your lips closed. Too funny. Another time, I place one in your mouth and your spit it across the room. Impressive!

Week 3-Your cries are now so loud, they pierce my ears. Our neighbors knocked on the wall one night when we couldnt get you to settle down. Your hands and feet are growing and you have a roll of fat in the back of your neck. Your cheeks are so plump. You look like a completely different child than the one we brought home with us a few weeks back. We begin tummy time and nakey time. Your happy place is on the changing table. You talk a lot, so much to say, so much to discover. When we sing to you, it settles you down. I can always tell when you are ready for nakey time to be over, because you always say the same thing right before you begin to cry, so I learn to dress and pick you up before the tears come. I drive for the first time with you and pull over about four times to get out and look at you, check your breathing and head position. It takes us about an hour to get to my parents' house, normally a fifteen minute drive. We stop the cloth diaps, everytime we put them on you cry and we dont like how they push out your legs. We will try again when you are older. We care for the environment, but we care for you more. You have begun tracking. You are too little to fit into the carrier so I order a wrap. We will see if it works, because I need to get things done around the house and I need my arms free.

Week 2-You are growing and getting stronger. When we swaddle you, you look like a little pea in its pod, with your bright eyes watching everything we do. You recognize my voice and turn your head to me. You are a good sleeper, about 3 hours at a time and a good eater, you take both breasts in one feeding. Feedings last about an hour. We are starting to use cloth diapers, but they are so bulky and they push your legs apart so we worry about your hip bones. Your little preemie clothing wont even close over the cloth diapers. When we change you, you move your arms and legs so much, it looks like you are running away. You are very active and alert. It seems that you are ready to get up and go, you just have to wait for your body to catch up with your desires. If I time it right, I can take a shower while you play in the co-sleeper. Sometimes though you get tired of being in there and I have to stop my shower to hold you. Once I had to get out of the shower three times to take care of you. I don't mean stop as in get out and get in, I mean I took three showers in one day, just so I could complete my shower routine.

Ellie's Newsflash


Week 1-4/14-4/20- You are such a tiny girl! 5 pounds 15 ounces. When we brought you home from the hospital, I sat in the back of the pathfinder holding your head. Everything was too large for you. The car seat, newborn diapers, newborn clothing. I sent Kumi out to buy you preemie sized clothing. Those fit, barely. I am obsessed with your breathing. I check every few minutes to make sure you still breath. When you stop for a few moments, I shake you gently. It is my worst fear, that possibility. When you cried, it sounded as though you were saying 'enough, enough'. We all tried changing your diaper as quickly as possible and offering you a boob as quickly as possible just to make those first cries of yours subside. You are our joy. Our beautiful angel princess.

You are an effervescent eater. You were able to latch on to me with no problem at all. The doctors and nurses let you and I be together for almost two hours before they took you to be weighed. The few times they needed you in the nursery, Papa or I went with you. You were never out of our sight. From the very first night you came into this world, we shared a bed. Frick and Frack, that is who we are...a package deal, not to be separated.